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Funnies February 12, 2008

Posted by uberhim in Uncategorized.
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Letterman:

Did you hear that Mitt Romney has dropped out of the race? But do not worry about Mitt, because he’s going to go back to playing Stuart Chandler on “All My Children.”

But technically speaking, Mitt did not drop out of the campaign. He suspended his campaign. You know, the same way Elvis suspended his career.

But if he suspends his campaign, Mitt gets to keep his delegates. And I’m thinking, whoa, how would you like to be those five guys?

Mitt looks like a guy who says he met Marge on eHarmony.

Mitt looks like the guy that goes to the restroom when the check comes.

Mitt looks like the guy who tries to sign you up for Herbal Life.

Mitt looks like a Beverly Hills cop.

Mitt looks like a golf commentator fired for an off-the-cuff remark.

Mitt looks like a guy who forgot to remove his teeth-whitening strip.

Mitt looks like a guy on a barber shop photo. (source)

Jimmy Kimmel:

Mitt Romney dropped out of the race for president, and they say Romney spent $37 million of his own money on the campaign. That’s amazing. I was able to not win the presidency for free.

I always thought Mitt Romney looked like Matthew Fox from TV’s “Lost.” Romney could be his father, so maybe they’ll write a part on “Lost” for Romney. He could be the guy who lost $37 million for no reason.

With Romney out of the race now, Republican front-runner John McCain is busy refocusing his efforts on wooing conservatives who think he’s too liberal. Today, he built a fence around our parking lot security guard, Guillermo. (source)

Steven Wright: “When the Leaves Blow Away” (video)

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